Happy Relationships
Happy relationships are the result of Fairy Godmother intervention right? Anybody who lives in the United States, or who has ever seen a Disney movie knows that the Fairy Godmother must decide to intervene for a happy relationship to happen.
Or if you grew up with a Hefner/Guccione print magazine influence, then maybe you thought that the brand of shirt or shoes you wore or model of car, or amount of money you had was the key to happy relationship. Turns out that those things, including the Fairy Godmother, have minimal influence on happy relationships.
What does influence relationships, according to scientists like Helen Fisher,Ph.D., John Gottman,Ph.D., and Robert Epstein,Ph.D., is regular efforts to build intimacy.
Yeah, like a happy relationship workout. No pill or potion, although dark chocolate does impact your brain chemistry and tell your brain to anticipate something fun. Even that early stage of relationship which we call infatuation is coming under the unblinking eye of the functional magnetic resonance imaging machine, and Helen Fisher,Ph.D. is saying that there is a rhyme and reason to what has heretofore seemed like the most irrational time in a human’s life.
This is the time in a relationship where two people are extremely happy, and either can do no wrong. You know, your partner’s doggerel is Shakespearean and you talk and do other stuff all night long.
Fisher says there is a evolutionary reason for such behavior, and it is designed to run for only so long, until the progeny have gotten a decent start, then the participants in a romantic love relationship wake up to each other and have a decision to make. This is where the couple may need to incorporate the Epstein and Gottman tools to build a continuing happy relationship.
However, Helen Fisher has proposed that we human’s fall into four major personality types, each ruled by a different hormone, and her research says that we have the best chance of happy relationship if we begin with a compatible personality type.
If you want to find out what type personality you are, you need to take her quiz at Chemistry.
So it sounds like we may be able to eliminate some of the variability it the Fairy Godmother’s application of magic, and even in Cupid’s Aim.
But let’s just say that you did not go to Chemistry to discover your partner for the romantic love experience, and you wake up one morning after another all night discussion of your and your lover’s favorite novels, and you wonder to yourself, “How did I get here”?
Well, at that point the magic has worn off, and the participants have a decision to make.
Do we continue our coupleship, or do we move on?
If couples decide to work on their happy relationship subsequent to the romantic love stage, then they should definitely look at the work of Robert Epstein, Ph.D. and John Gottman,Ph.D.
Epstein has written some very intriguing articles recently, in Scientific American Mind, questioning how it is that arranged marriages in India last so much longer than ours here in the West.
Those folks in arranged marriages may have met once prior to the ceremony, but they stay together 95% of the time, reporting increased happiness. Epstein says that is because those folks make some conscious effort to practice intimacy rather than waiting for a rapturous experience to fall randomly from heaven.
He says that all of us could practice intimacy doing exercises like soul gazing (not staring) where you take a couple of moments to look deep into the eyes of your partner hoping to see their soul. Epstein has students in his class practice that exercise during the first day of classes, and the participants report an astounding increase in feelings of closeness.
Closeness is a great platform for happy relationships.
Epstein suggests a number of easy to do exercises that couples can do to increase feelings of happiness, including breathing synchronization.
I have my own version of that exercise, synchronizing heart beats and examining the heart beat of the relationship. I use a heart rate variability biofeedback tool to teach my domestic violence counseling clients how to get their own heart beat in coherence, and then the heart beat of the relationship in coherence. In that process they learn that the heart beat can move into and out of coherence in the proverbial heart beat.
So they are learning to pay attention to relationship happiness in much shorter increments than ever before.
John Gottman,Ph.D. has also been studying marriage and domestic violence and happy relationships for about 30 years, and he and his wife, Julie Schwartz-Gottman have put together a workshop that couples can do at home which teach about the skills that couples can practice together. The skills are teased out from the observations the Gottman’s have made of the folks they call the Master’s of Marriage, and the point of the workshop is that we can repeat their efforts and have happy relationships.
No magic wand or potion needed, just regular practice.
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Online Dating Or Real Dating?
The internet has given some people a chance to find a date or a life partner. People who are too shy to mingle with others or with the opposite sex are taking advantage of the internet in finding someone to date with.
Online dating really seems to be advantageous for introverted or shy people. Approaching someone in person is a hard thing to do. Even if they have read some tips from David DeAngelo, or seen videos of the Pickup Artist, they still have no guts to talk to someone in person nor approach them. Hence, talking or chatting with some stranger on the internet is more preferable – they don’t need to see each other face to face so no pressure at all.
A major disadvantage of online dating is that it is too risky. Sharing your personal information is not advisable. So you can never be sure if the person you’re exchanging information with is telling the truth as well.
Online dating is not only for shy people though. It is just too convenient for some to find a date on the internet. You can find a lot of profiles of men and women, see their pictures, know their backgrounds… so all you got to do is search and choose whom to approach. But is this really effective? There seems to be a lot of people who got lucky to have met their partners over the internet.
With your pc or laptop at home, do you really need to go out just to find a date? Its up to you, actually. But with real dating, you get to interact with people in the real world and not in the virtual world. Real dating is not just about finding someone to date with but it is also about personal development. There are some people who are only good in online conversations but not in the real world.
With the hype of dating schools, dating seminars, trainings, and boot camps, more men are stepping out of their comfort zone and join the others not only in improving themselves but learning new dating techniques as well. Pickup artists like Neil Strauss, Julian Foxx, and Mystery have helped a lot of men in developing their own dating skills.
Online dating can be fun, but isn’t going out and meeting new people while partying or doing some sports more fun?
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Niche Dating Site – The Way To New Relationships
Niche Dating Site – The Way To New Relationships
Article by Sdlamu
When internet dating first came online around the late nineties and in early 2000, joining a dating site used to reek of awkward anti-social’nes of those who couldn’t find relationships in the real dating world. At minimum online dating bought to mind those older singles who could see their dating years slipping as the biological clock is ticking.
But in the recent few years, using an online dating site has switched, to becoming the destination of not the last but the first resort for those seeking personals websites. No longer a refuge for those who can’t hack traditional dating, personals sites are not only seen as a convenient time saving way to meet more singles but more fun and social activity as well.
Bars, religious institutions, singles clubs and matchmaker services are rapidly being replaced by where the new generation of singles is to be found, at a dating site on the internet. The internet has enabled more people to come together on a scale that has never been seen before.
New niche dating site memberships offer personalized dating services to specific groups of people such as gay dating, black dating and senior dating sites to name a few. You can also find horoscope dating, dating sites for golfers, motor-cyclists, fitness and just about any group you can think of.
These niche singles sites have safe and secure memberships that are constantly monitored for bogus profiles and can effectively weed out those undesirables who are just out to mess with peoples lives.
Finding the singles site group that suits you is the place to start when looking for a new relationship. Why waste time the dating personals site that boasts millions of members and have search boxes like “I Am A Man” seeking a, “Woman” Aged xx. Clearly going direct to your target group is the way to go. And if that doesn’t get results you can move on to a broader field.
Don’t get discouraged if you first don’t get results on your chosen dating site, Those who have been successful at online dating report that they dated several people before finding “the one”, some make it in 1 or 2, others need 15 or 20. The numbers are in your favor, there are about 16 million people using internet dating sites, nearly 1 in 4 Americans who are looking for a romantic partner are doing so through singles dating sites.
Dating online also allows you to meet and form relationships easily with those outside your city or state. Commuter couples in these times are increasing. Regular people, not just civil servants or military personal, are increasingly living apart from their spouses. Mostly these are dual-career couples who can’t, or don’t want to, uproot their professional lives.
Is commuting dangerous for a relationship? According to the Center for the Study of long Distance Relationships (LDRs) commuters are not any more likely than those couples living together to break up.
Research shows that almost half of those who married via a singles dating site live in cities. This means that there are hundreds of thousands of possible match-ups for you out there that you don’t know of.
Using an online personals website is vibrant and growing method of how people seek out partners for friendships, life partners and marriage. There are untold riches of male and female companionship waiting for you through an online dating site.
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Online Dating – Meeting In Person For The First Time
Online dating is different than conventional dating mostly because you will learn a lot about a person before you even start talking to them. When you do start communicating it may be limited. Most if not all online dating sites give you limited access unless you are a paying member. That is how they make their money. When you do start communicating as a free member you will be given a few prewritten messages that you can send, but you will get a lot of information from a person’s profile. There are no assurances that any of their profile information is true.
Perhaps you will want to jump right in and meet in person instead of talking first. There are some guidelines to make the most of your time and keep your self respect at the same time. If things do not work out you are still building social contacts. Remember these are people that belong to the same club you do and they could come back leaving negative comments about the date. You want to guard your reputation and this is done best by clearly stating your intentions.
1. You should not be too anxious to meet; this could make you seem desperate. Let the first date happen after a few interactions.
2. Plan your first meeting to be a short one, if things are not working out you will be able to leave without feeling guilty. At the same time you can make the date last longer if things are working out well.
3. It is always a bad idea to invite someone you do not know into your home. You should meet in a public place and arrange your own transportation for the first date.
4. An afternoon meeting is always a good choice; you could meet for lunch or a fun activity. Usually this type of date can save you money as well, lunch is usually always less expensive than dinner and matinees are cheaper as well. Afternoon dates give you many more options for activities as well like museums, sightseeing and hiking.
5. Make sure that you are on time and dress appropriately.
Sharing a meal on your first date may not be a good idea. Many people tend to be a little nervous when they are eating in front of strangers. And after we eat we tend to get a little lazy or need a nap. Most of us have been taught that it is not polite to talk with food in our mouths, so a big meal wouldn’t allow much conversation either. On the other hand a person’s table manners tell us a lot about them. Perhaps an afternoon cocktail and some appetizers will be what you need to get the conversations flowing and put both of you at ease.
Afternoon dates tend to be less romantic so you will not be pressured to invite each other in for nightcaps. You should be more focused on the conversations and getting to know each other and having a good time.
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Online Dating For The Christian Single
Online Dating For The Christian Single
Article by Jason King
Being a Christian single, and wanting a relationship with another Christian can make your life a bit of a search. To make your life easier you could consider a Christian online dating service. These are frequented by thousands of Christian singles every day.
What could be more easier than getting yourself a cup of your favorite beverage, and logging in to a Christian dating service looking at the profiles of eligible Christian singles. Depending on where you live finding other Christian singles offline may be a difficult task. If you have moved to a new area, and don’t know anyone an online dating service is the perfect place to start interacting with other Christian singles.
The other advantage you have over meeting them offline is they are all there looking for friendship or romance. It cuts out all the guesswork of finding out if someone is actually single. This leaves all your effort concentrated on making new friends or finding love interests. The popular Christian dating services can have up to half a million singles all with profiles.
They have chat rooms where you can easily make new friends. Bible study partners are often looked for here, and there’s plenty to learn from the more experienced Christians. Many younger Christians look at these chat rooms as a place of learning, and discovering more about their faith. Again this is something that may be difficult for a Christian to do offline because of actually getting together with someone.
There are many reviews online for Christian dating services. Once you have read these you should be in a position to choose where you would like to create your profile. Once this is done you will be allowed to start your free trial, and get to know the service you have chosen. This will also give you a chance to give that service a good test to see if you get on with it, and there are plenty of singles living in your area.
If you do find a few Christian singles you’re interested in your next step will be contacting them. As a free member you can usually send someone a pre-written message chosen from a list, normally called a flirt or smile. To have more chance of getting to know someone it’s best to send a nice personal e-mail. You can start sending e-mails once you have upgraded your membership which can cost less than a night out for one months membership. The advantage of sending an e-mail is you can mention parts of the recipients profile in the message. This will show them that you are paying attention.
Once you have got to know someone online you want the next step to be your first offline date. If you meet someone that you fall in love with you will remember that you would never had of met them if you hadn’t joined a Christian online dating service.
For Christian online dating reviews with advice for a higher quality online dating experience visit – http://www.the-online-dating-reviews.com/christian-online-dating-services.html
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About Online Dating Tips & Advice
Welcome to Online Dating Tips & Advice
We will guide you through every aspect of dating online: from general DOs and DON'Ts of online relationships, to using the various dating services available online.
If you are looking to find your mate, we have tips for how to do it all, right here.
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